UNEXPRESSED

UNEXPRESSED Sometimes I think my heart will burst Like a balloon inside my chest With all the love that's waiting here Unexpressed Fingers that ache to intertwine Warmest of chords, but missing tune Where is the laugh to echo mine Send it soon The words my lips would form The circle these two arms would make Safe and warm Someone could be safe and warm But Maybe the love we yearn to give Can find a release some, their way Coloring how we choose to live everyday The kindness we can share The kindness we can share The comfort these two arms might lend in despair Someone's always in despair Still I'm Longing to meet that pair of eyes Dark as the night or endless blue Holding a light recognize Something clear, something true, something that seems to mean, something I haven't seen since YOU!!!!!

I couldn't resist

short bus

There are times when the perspectives and opinions of others strike me as SO effin' ridiculous that I
find myself wondering if the person speaking/writing hasn't suffered some sort of severe cranial trauma.

Seriously. The only other option is they are "special" in that needs a helmet, rides the short bus, isn't allowed
to handle sharp objects way.

Let's do a quick review of reality, shall we ?

FACT: If your child watches Glee, he or she will not become gay as a result. Much the same way that watching a lifetime of
monster truck rallies will not make Marcus Bachmann any less gay.

FACT: Sexuality is a natural part of every human being. You can endeavor to control, deny or ignore your sexual urges, but why ?
If the people involved are willing and of legal age, why is what they're doing anyone's business but their own ? Sex is NOT evil, it is NOT
dirty (unless you want it to be) and unless you're involved in the act taking place it's not your concern.
While this one has been used more times than Glenn Beck's Preparation H, it remains true. If you disagree, join a monastic order of some sort
and let others do as they please.

FACT: Religion is a choice, not a biological imperative. We are not born with the need or instinct to worship anything or anyone. If that's your choice,
enjoy it. Relish it. Get the bumper sticker, the t-shirt and the I heart Allah/Jesus/Buddha commemorative plate, but don't tell me or anyone else
that I need to follow your belief system. Sorry, but I won't be drinking that Kool Aid.

FACT: We live in an exceedingly diverse world where the landscape of social issues changes daily and nothing is going to reverse that process. The
more we try to inflict our ideals or standards onto others the more likely it will be to escalate to conflict at some point in that endeavor. Why can't you
live your lives in the manner you choose and allow others to do the same ? Now, don't throw Bible verses at me and threaten me with Hell; simply put
those are of no interest or importance to me and will neither prompt change nor submission. Live and let live. Do unto others and blah, blah, blah.
It's really not that difficult, so why not give it a shot ?

FACT: No matter how strongly any of us feel about the issues in our world today, we should not seek to invalidate the beliefs of others. While I might not
follow your beliefs I will fight to my death for your right to express them in a way that doesn't infringe on the rights of others.
It would be nice if you could show that same courtesy, but your vitriol and disdain appear to have rendered you incapable of doing so.

The uber-conservatives out there today are troubling to me because they seek to erode and corrupt the rights for which our ancestors fought so
valiantly. I don't want or need anyone telling me how to think, what I can do for my entertainment nor trying to limit the freedoms anyone else can enjoy.
If you need those things, then by all means, have them in your life and enjoy them, but stop trying to force them down anyone else's throat.

In the meantime, let the rest of us follow our paths and enjoy the choices we make for ourselves.

Well it appears that the foreclosure has come through regarding our house, I tell you my luck has been one of epic failure this year; this has to be the WORST fucking year to date, w/ Jerry passing, his family going back on their word w/ Jerrys belongings being given back to me like they had promises, I received an email a few days ago Fr J's sister asking if she could have his IPad & that it was promised to his neice if/when something were to happen to him, I'm sorry but they can all kiss my ass... I'm now out a car & ALL of Jerrys computers if for dome reason they change their mind somewhere down the road and DO decide to keep their word but until then.. NO DICE! It's amazing how fucked people can get when money is involved... I smell a big pile of bullshit w/ barbaras story Jerry would've told me if he had promised his niece ( whom he has NEVER mentioned to me by the way)they seem to want to bleed his estate dry, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let that happen.. It's no wonder why he kept his distance Fr his family and kept to himself.

Bear Hunt - Be All You Can Bear/Myrtle Beach S.C. 2011

Once again our friends at the Carolina Bear Lodge really threw one hell of a successful event, new location more activities..needless to say it went off without hitch...lots of events fr. Card tournament, merchant/vendor (WoofTEASE etc)rooms/stores on the 2nd floor, speed boat trips, dinner excursions and a dynamite USO dance on Saturday evening followed by Bear Films party on Saturday night (afterhours) which the penthouse was conveniently located just a few feet from our hotel room...This years event easily falls into my top 5 favorite bear runs ever...I heard through the grapevine that C.B.L. has a 3yr contract w/ the host hotel....I look forward to attending 2012 Bear Hunt, which if this years party is any indication, then next year will be EPIC!

GREAT GUYS..
GREAT FOOD..
GREAT MEMORIES....A+!

a DEFINITE value for your buck.....will we see YOU next year?

https://www.facebook.com/carolinabearlodge




Joe 'may' have been a little 'polluted' when he said this was 'next generation' party..(which was LAST years theme..) bless his heart..

Rest In Peace Jerry (BALTIBEAR) Ward 1949-2011

My Husband, Jerry Ward a.k.a. BALTIBEAR lost his battle w/ a lenghty illness on March 13 at 11:37P.M...He passed away at Baltimore Washington Medical Center.

His Birthday was the next day on March 14. He wouldve been 62 yrs young.....

Its been a few weeks since his passing, but it still seems like yesterday,the pain and loss is evident even in the most mundane of tasks I still find myself lamenting and getting teary eyed when I think of all the wonderful times we had as friends, as confidants....as partners The absence and that ever prevelant 'void' will be fresh in my mind for sometime to come Im afraid..I just need to keep reinstilling the simple fact that he is no longer hurting...

THATS ALL that matters!

I Thank ALL my/our friends who have been there from the start of his accumulating ailments..I will never forget your altruism, your offers for a shoulder to cry on.....for putting up w/ my many irratic mood swings which fluctuated like Jerrys condition from time to time..

I will love you forever Jerry..always in my heart..always on my mind..FRANKKUBB

One of MANY reasons why I HATE Itunes...

Youve gotta love technology...........

Some of my Iphone/Ipad toting Bears&Cubs oughta know just by the 2 pics displayed exactly what ...or How this situation transpired..

HATE CHUE ITUNES!

FRANKKUBB Goes To Bears Den Tattoos in Catonsville, Maryland

I guess some may call it a right of passage, But I prefer to call it putting "closure" to an exhausting and mentally taxing year full of highlights, as well as an adequate amount of lo-lights...with that said..Im elated to have gone to Bears Den Tattoos in Catonsville,Maryland and met "BEAR' the man who did my ink, quite knowledgable, quirky despite his gruff exterior, he is one hell of a tattoo artist, w/ a steady hand as you can see...

Thanks to John Wendel and Joe Yandow for the hookup

and of course.."BEAR"

Im LOVING my new tattoo...Heres to the END of 2010

AND to the beginning of 2011!~ FRANKKUBB

The beginning outline











The finished product
<>

Happy Holidays to ALL

Friends and Frienemies alike!

Xmas-Ifying BALTIBEARS (temporary) Bear Lair

I was feeling sad and depressed for a good majority of this weekend due to the fact that it is HIGHLY unlikely Jerry will be home before the New Year, so I figured to get our minds out of this sad realization and funky quagmire that I came up w/ the theory that If Jerry cant be home for the Holidays...Then why not bring the Holidays to HIM!?!?

I think Ill add more as the mood inspires me too :-[)]

Ho,Ho,How In The Hell Ya Doing?

Ok, it has been such a busy month w/ Greg moving in here at The Chateau....going back and forth between Rehab to see Jerry, bills etc..I literally have NO TIME to send out Christmas cards this year...as much as it pains me to admit..I will not be doing any of the normal Xmas routine like we have in the past, and Im sorry..

I however would like to show off some new crafts my roomate Wade has been coming up w/ The Crafting Bear like this handy dandy Beanie Cap (below) that my Husbear Jerry (BALTIBEAR) is graciously modeling.




There are also other endeavors in the works for MORE different products like Garmin/TomTom G.P.S. unit covers/coozi's

AND IPAD COVERS....see below...



ORDER YOUR Scarves,Baby Blankets,Hats HERE:
http://www.thecraftingbear.com/




I also HAD to order fr. etsy.com these cute and BAD ASS looking knitted beard scarves w/ attached beanies..They have several different styles to choose from..Just go to etsy.com and look for knitted beards in the search window, that will take you to several different indie retailers and crafts people to suit your needs...Hers is MY CHOICE of knitted beard I purchased...



http://www.etsy.com/




HAPPY HOLIDAYS...Love, FRANKKUBB & BALTIBEAR and Wade

When Creativity Goes Awry........

I figured F**K IT, I was gonna do something 'different' tonight, I wanted to do my hair the same way (by fluke) like I had did in 06....I wished I had pictures still....trust me, it looked BAD ASS, Anyhoo.....I purchased this obviously 'one size fits "all" tip cap for frosting hair tips at my local Sally Beauty Supplies...I was dead set on recreating this fine looking masterpiece of hipster asymetrical bitchin`ness.....Well, nature had other ideas, as you can see..

This is what happens when hair dye seeps through the cap and comes in contact w/ a freshly shaved yet stubbly head, I tried to bleach the tips of my hair and THIS was the outcome... I have to say it's beginning to grow on me.. LOL
-all negative comments will be deleted and I'll assert my army of flying monkeys to whoop your Lilly ass!!- SRSLY, be nice or get bent F.K.

495 Bears Halloween Party;Triange, Virginia 10/30/10

What a phenomenal turnout....These guys spared NO expenses, and totally amazed all who attended this years Halloween party in Triangle, Virginia...Eric and John & from what I can see, MANY others who volunteered their time and efforts turned the place upside down w/ decor, spooky ambiance, food, libations and several different themed areas of their house which led into different labyrinth like areas of the house which turned out quite impressive and a definite 10 on the wow meter...Ill let the pictures explain for themselves..The following pics were taken by Roy Omar Alexander..

495 Bears (Facebook link)
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=53214256541


495 Bears (website)
http://www.495bears.com/

495Bears Halloween Party TONIGHT~

The 495 Bears are having their shindig in Triangle, Virginia......the car is gassed up, were packed and ready to rock and roll...

BRING IT!


http://www.facebook.com/FRANKKUBB#!/event.php?eid=159537234063430

PICTURES TO FOLLOW AFTER TONIGHT!

FRANKKUBB

Joebear and Brian's commitment ceremony 10/23/10

Yeah, yeah..I know, Im late..although this a video of Joebear and Brian's commitment ceremony..It was a wonderfully sweet, non-chalant semi formal event that was beautiful yet bitter sweet all wrapped up into one, w/ Jerry in the Rehab I found myself often overwhelmed w/ emotion...It DID seem like I was the ONLY person there without MY partner..it was still a wonderful ceremony noless...and a memorable one at that....

FRANKKUBB

GREGBEHR'S REDNECK BEAR WEAVE...FIRECENESS!!

You NEVER know what may transpire when you add an extreme amount of fearlessness, boredom and good ole fashioned "I dont give a fuck" attitude; Well, Gregbehr managed to purchase this nappy wig, AND wear it around town as we went Thrift Store shopping, he was wearing it soo often, I began to get used to it...

WORK IT BETCH!!!!!!!!!

Breakin Up The Monotony

With all the bullshit happening lately w/ this and that I felt a day of fun was much needed, so me and my other buddy Ralph went to the Halloween Outlet to get some fun ideas on what to wear for the Hallowoeen Party the 495 Bears are throwing on 10/30..well we didnt exactly find costumes but we sure had fun screwing w/ all the new Halloween displays they have, check em out..

Burying the hatchet on Percoset's

Little did I know, that over the span of the last 3 weeks I have been taking 15MG of Percosets to offset the discomfort & pain of having that MRSA procedure taken care of, where they had to drain the cyst, and bandage it up, Dr Majek gave me 2 perscriptions for Percoset 40 count @ 15MG a piece,which I have been steadily taking as recommended.

The thought of me aquiring a 'habit' NEVER entered my mind,which so much happening around the house, paying bills for 2 PEOPLE, on top of Jerry's deciling and improving health which sporradically seems to change nearly daily,getting half stories btwn both Hospital & Rehab facility blaming eachother over WHERE he contracted MRSA,conflicting diagnoses regarding Jerry, frustration etc.. I never took into consideration that the Percs I was taking WAS a "narcotic" well, I found that out the HARD WAY last night which made a little over 24 hours since I last took a pill and did my 'dose' needless to say I had a horrible bout of Restless Leg Syndrome,headaches,achiness,shaking,bouts of feeling hot/cold which had me tossing and turning, the butterflies in my belly, moments of mania and panic began to set in...Then It finally dawned on me "I MUST BE DETOXING!" Id bet any amount of money this was the case, fortunately I managed to aquire a few Tramadol stored away, which took the edge off, and allowed me to get to sleep, at about 3:30-4a.m. I awoke this morning at 8:57 exactly w/ NO headache or anxiety..I was thoroughly amazed.

In hindsight, I kinda am shocked at the rate I was taking Percosets, I was taking nearly 90-120 MG's a day for the better part of 2.5 weeks, no wonder I was feeling shitty come yesterday w/ the realization I was completely 'out' began to set it....Im hoping that I have better luck getting to sleep tonight; FRANKKUBB

Ok, so I SUCK....!

With so much going on w/ Jerry being transferred to this Hospital or this Rehab Facility...I honestly havent had ANY time to update, and write..Its been that hectic and time consuming, I will try my best to post a mega timeline update sometime over the next day or two, but in the meantime bear w/ me..it really has been a stressful period for Myself, Jerry and Wade....

Whats REALLY Going On?

I began to notice today, actually I noticed it a few days back that Jerry has begun to experience auditory and some visual hallucinations and it really is beginning to worry me some...to the point where Imm losing sleep...For example today when I was visiting him during his lunch time that he was hearing cats or kittens in the background..mind you, I didnt hear a damn thing, then a short while later he was swatting at a fly, bug, bee that apparently wans there etc...and becoming quite flustered, this began to worry me because a short time later ..He seemeed to 'recall' a conversation that he swears he had w/ me meerly minutes earlier that we didnt have....
First thing tomorrow morning Im going to walk over to the Rehab (which is just 4 streets away from our house luckily) and demand an itemization of EVERY dose of medicine that theyve been getting him

UPDATE.....

I wrote preceeding paragraph yesterday in the heat of anxiety and frustration but as of today many questions were answered, to my satisfaction...But I will keep an eye on what they give him and Jerry has promised me that hed keep record as of what and what time they give him his meds in case things start going squirrely Ill know to let them know..Today was a good day I was eloated to see that he looked better than he has in days..he was lucid, and rather jolly for the duration of my visit..His case worker named Diane even came in and confimed an appointment/meeting the 3 of us will be having on Friday afternoon, to alleviate all concerns and to ask questions in hopes to them being answered

TODAY WAS THE DAY....

Up until this morning I have been dealing w/ this cyst, which started as an innoculous looking bump on my right side...I thought no problem, I left it alone....Then I noticed it began to increase in size, becoming unbearingly sensitive then painful hindering my mobility and interrupting my daily routines, showering, sleeping etc.. til this morning when I couldnt even get out of bed,let alone tie my shoe..I said "Fuck this shit" and decided today was the day that I HAD to do something about this...

I ended up going to the Emergency Room @ B.W.M.C. Baltimore Washington Medical Center...the very place Jerry was hospitalized..TWICE this year.....

TWICE this summer is more like it, I was quite apprehensive at first but necessity took precedance over my pigheadedness...fortuntely.

While waiting in their waiting area anxiously awaiting how these guys were going to patch me up...many different scenarios came into mind....

1.biopsy (which means 'melon balling' the area (which was remarkably tender to the touch).
2.The (dreaded) NEEDLE...This nearly sealed the deal w/ me to the point where I almost didnt go..considered walking out too after further inspection of this torture device.
3.The possibility of being admitted...Imagine that Jerry in a Rehab Facility, and myself in a Hospital..I tell you , were a winning pair!

THEN......Out of nowhere , my roomate Wade gasped and said "Frank, Look AT HIM!!!!!!!!" We sat there slackjawed visually molesting...Ooops, I meant admiring this HOT R.N. cub who works in the E.R. He was quite a looker, and woofy as f*ck!



Oh yeah, his name is Mike :)

Alas, we get called back into a room in the E.R....Now Im not supersticious by any stretch of the imagination, but today is September 13.....so wouldnt it be fitting that MY ROOM would be ROOM 13?? Yeah...I was begining to enter a realm of panic, fear and desperation..Brought on by paranoia and supersticion

Isnt the number 13 bad luck or something??

Anyhoo...heres what I focused on the duration of the time I was being poked, prodded, and scalpeled w. this 50 yard long looking needle..



Normally, I dont freak out about needles in general, BUT the area this M.D. was poking around in had been literally tear inducing to the touch...Now theyre jamming me w/ needles?? WTF?

It really wasnt all THAT bad, Thanks to the Percosets, the end result ended up being that this cyst is a major abcess/infection w/ NO puss (at least not yet..I guess)but a TON of blood..they gave me couple of perscriptions for Percosets & an anti-biotic which the names escapes me...its one of those multi-syllabic anti-biotics...you get the picture;

*view from the stretcher, and me whacked out on Percosets....pretty!*



I need to keep this wound clean for the first 48 which means NO SHOWER...Ughh, BUT I go back for a 'wound check' in 2 days...maybe Ill see Mike there..WOOF!